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New Mexico College Receives Mystery Toilet Paper

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The mystery rolls of double-ply Angel Soft toilet paper arrived at Eastern New Mexico University in Portales on a Wednesday.

All 80 of them.

The sender: anonymous.

He (or she.. but probably he) left behind only a few words: that contrition over having stolen an unknown number of toilet paper rolls while “a young immature college student” in the likely distant past inspired the donation.

The rolls — all 80 of them, of course — arrived at ENMU’s purchasing department in a conspicuous box labeled “Angel Soft 2-ply.” (They are septic safe).

Attached was a Christmas card with a picture of the Bible on the cover.

The note, in cursive, read: “Years ago when I was a young immature college student I took toilet paper from your dormitory as a prank. I apologize for that and offer this case. Jesus Christ has made such a difference in my life and has prompted me to repay for any sins I’ve done even from so long ago. God Bless and Merry Christmas.”’

Only one problem – the toilet paper doesn’t fit the school’s dispensaries. Instead, ENMU will donate it to the New Mexico Christian Children’s Home near Portales.

“We express our admiration to the anonymous donor for their integrity and character,” ENMU spokesman Wendel Sloan said. “We never even knew that the toilet tissue was missing, but thank our graduate for doing what they thought was right. If they ever want to reveal their identity, we assure them that we have nothing but respect and appreciation for them and would like the opportunity to tell them. If they have a guilty conscience, we want them to know that all is forgiven.”

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