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Monday, May 03, 2010
One-On-One withThelma Domenici
By Autumn Gray
Assistant Business Editor
The Basics: Born Thelma Nell Domenici on Jan. 26, 1928, in Albuquerque; obtained a bachelor's degree of science with emphasis on diatetics from Mt. St. Joseph's Academy in Cincinnati and a master's degree in institution administration from Michigan State University, where she graduated fist in her class; divorced; no children; no pets.
Position: Owner Thelma Domenici & Associates; writes a weekly column called "Ask Thelma"
What You Didn't Know: I entered the Congregation of the Sisters of Charity, Mother Seton, in Cincinnati in 1951. It's a Catholic religious order. ... I particularly liked the idea of serving others and of helping others, and I knew the works of that particular congregation very well because those sisters taught me in grade school, high school and college. So I knew they had hospitals, I knew they had orphanages, I knew they had schools. I had incredible experiences. I was the first Catholic nun for example to give a talk at the American Hospital Association. I was the person who was kind of sent to put out fires, so I had the opportunity to go to many of the hospital institutions that the Sisters of Charity owned and operated at that time. (Among other milestones), I helped build three hospitals. I chaired the committee that allowed the sisters to come out of the strict habit into everyday secular clothes. I was a very happy sister of charity. I just came to the realization that my love of people and helping people was probably without boundaries, and I was beginning to feel a little restricted even though I had affiliated to a fairly dominant leadership position. I was the superior of one of the communities of the Sisters of Charity in Santa Fe. ... I chose to leave that order in 1971.
This was supposed to be the day that some kind of dish on local manners diva Thelma Domenici surfaced right here on this very page.
Maybe she once used the wrong fork for a shrimp cocktail. Perhaps watching a "Girls Next Door" television marathon kept her from writing a thank-you note. Or that cell phone — surely it's been dropped in coq au vin while she texted frantically over it during a dull luncheon.
"No," she says to inquiries about any untoward actions. Oh, but wait, there was one time when she exhibited less-than-gracious behavior.
Domenici was in grade school, and her parents always made her eat lunch there, as opposed to coming home. "I used to cry: 'I don't want this food. I don't want this food.' — I wanted spaghetti."
So she had a demanding streak, but that was her Italian tastebuds talking. Both of her parents immigrated from Italy. From them, Domenici not only learned the art of cooking but also of marketing and manners.
"We always had dinner together. We always had the table set. We never used a paper napkin in the house. So we were always taught how to talk to one another, and we always had people at the house," she said, remarking that her "mischievous fun side" comes from her mother.
From her father, Domenici learned business. He owned a grocery wholesale warehouse that supplied all corners of the state, and on Sundays, the family — all eight of them — went on daylong road trips.
"My mother would drive. My dad would smoke this absolutely unbelievable Italian cigar, and we would visit his clients. That was marketing. We had to be very good little boys and little girls, you know — partake and thank everybody."
It was the foundation for what Domenici is best known today— her etiquette and executive coaching classes, and her "Ask Thelma" column, published weekly in the Sunday Journal.
Domenici previously spent years in the health services field. She was executive secretary in the Office of the Secretary of Health in Washington, D.C., before switching to Indian Health Services, where she became the deputy program director. She was also an executive for a multihospital system in Phoenix until moving back to Albuquerque 16 years ago. Locally, she was CEO of Hospital Home Health Care for 14 years.
Domenici has also served on multiple boards, including UNESCO, Futures for Children, the New Mexico Symphony, ACCION, Albuquerque Museum Foundation and the New Mexico Museum Board of Regents. She chaired the UNM Foundation Board.
Her current business, Thelma Domenici & Associates, grew out of a Home Health Care board member's request for her to do a work environment assessment.
"That's my passion. It truly is, even though the column has given me the notoriety of being (an etiquette expert)."
Q: Given your background in health sciences, what qualifies you to be an etiquette expert?
A: I think it was the starting of Aunt Thelma's Shy Girls (a children's etiquette program she began upon request from her 11-year-old niece) because it was all manners for the kids, and I learned a lot getting that started about the difference in how I grew up and how young kids are growing up today 'cause society was so different. ... And I have done much, much research in manners. (From that program, she expanded to teaching adults.)
Q: You say that you have always been mischievous. How so?
A: In a way that got us to do fun things (when we were young). For example, I talked five or six of my friends into going to see "Gone With the Wind," and we almost got expelled. It was a condemned movie at the time, and if someone saw you at the movie, of course they called and that was it.
Q: Do you have any hobbies?
A: I love to cook, I love to garden and I love to read. My hobby is gourmet cooking, so I like small, intimate dinners. I create most of my recipes because I read recipe books and cookbooks like other people read books, and if I look at a recipe, I can taste it, so I change it before I even make it. (She also attended a cooking school in Positano, Italy.) I love to set gorgeous tables, so I have at least eight different sets of dishes.
Q: Do you ever have a Thelma Gone Wild day?
A: A Thelma Gone Wild day? I don't know how to answer that. Something specific is just not coming to mind. I drove my car through a beauty shop salon window. It was at noon on a Saturday (five years ago). I don't know what happened but I was parking perpendicular. I guess I thought I put my foot on the brake.
Q: But if you were given a day to do anything you wanted without judgment from anyone, what would you do?
A: Oh, I would love that. I would find probably one of my closest friends. I would put on Levi's and a shirt and good walking shoes, and I would get up early, and I would spend the first couple of hours walking on this marvelous ditch that's right across the street from me, and it's gorgeous. And then I would make reservations — ahead of time — and I would go to my favorite spa, and spend the rest of the day there just being pampered. And then I would like to get all dressed up and go to the fanciest restaurant I could go to. Now that's a Thelma day.
Q: Do people feel intimidated having lunch with you or being in public with you for fear they might do something wrong in the etiquette department?
A: The answer is yes. I mean, totally yes. Because of the column.
Q: Do you think Albuquerque is better mannered because you have been here?
A: Yes, I would say yes to that. I always say if I could start an epidemic, you know what it would be? Kindness. And I'll tell you why. Because as soon as you do something nice for somebody, that person wants to turn around and do something nice for them. And that's the kind of spirit I try to create in the work environment.
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