URL: http://www.abqjournal.com/biz/yourmoney/matt02-99.htm

SAGE February,1999
Cash Conflict
The question isn't whether you and your spouse will encounter money problems but how you'll handle them
By Lee Matthew / Illustration by Robin McClannahan
    The financial side of a marriage partnership is likely to be difficult at times. In fact, some conflict is bound to occur, so it's probably a waste of time to wonder whether you will have money issues with your spouse. It's much more productive to identify what your money problems are likely to be and concentrate on developing strategies to resolve the

    Every partnership brings up money issues. After all, you're two separate people, each with your own family history and associations with money. So having disagreements over money doesn't mean the marriage is on the rocks. It's just a matter of finding ways to work it out.

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MONEY INSIGHTS If you're having trouble starting a discussion about money, try writing down separately how each of you would complete the following sentences. Then compare your answers and talk about it. 1. People with money are: 2. In my family, money was 3. If I had money, I'd: 4. Having money is not: 5. When I don't have money, I: conflict.

    What are your sore spots? What pushes his buttons? Become aware of areas of potential conflict, for here is where you both will have to make the most effort to communicate with each other.

    Consider the following scenarios, then figure out what yours are likely to be:

    1. RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS. You think you don't have the money to pay for your child's school tuition; he thinks there's plenty of money, because you have $100,000 in your 401(k) plan at work. Solution: Talk about different kinds of accounts owned by each of you and their purpose in your mutual financial plan. What does your retirement plan mean to you? What other resources might be available to pay for your child's education?

     

    2. EATING OUT. He would like to eat out together more often; you think restaurants are a waste of money, but you don't mind spending more on groceries for dinner at home. Solution: Find out how much money is actually being spent on restaurants and on groceries. Can you compromise? Would dinner at a less expensive ethnic restaurant satisfy you both?

     

    3. SPENDING CHOICES. He wants to keep the house at 60 degrees to save on heating bills, but has no trouble finding the money for a state-of-the-art computer. You'd like to take off your parka when you're indoors, and you could care less about surfing the Net. Solution: Talk about priorities. Would a space heater help? Could he find a computer with fewer bells and whistles?

    A common area of potential conflict for many couples has to do with bank and investment accounts. It's important for the two of you to talk about how you're going to handle these in your financial partnership. Talk it over, agree on what you're going to do, and decide in advance when the two of you will sit down together again and review your decision. There's no one right way to handle the accounts; it's a matter of finding out what works best for you as a couple.

    Here are some common ways that people handle their bank and investment accounts:

    * MERGE YOUR FINANCES, with both of you as joint owners on all accounts. If you do this, you might try trading the checkbook back and forth every three months or so, so neither one of you has to play the heavy.

    * MAINTAIN SEPARATE ACCOUNTS, with a joint household account into which you both contribute a set amount every month for joint expenses. Again, if you decide on this approach, switch the household checkbook back and forth periodically.

    * KEEP ALL ACCOUNTS SEPARATE. Some people who choose this route reimburse each other for expenses, while others divide the bills and agree on who will pay which bill.

    A word of caution: the form of ownership you choose may have important consequences in terms of access to the account, or in the event of a separation or divorce. It's wise to consult your attorney before changing ownership of any asset.

    You can't change another person any more than he or she can change you. So learn to live with your differences creatively, communicating with each other and negotiating as you go.

      Lee Matthew is a financial planner in Albuquerque.

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