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Friday, June 20, 2008
Vacation with friends needs thoughtful plans
By Thelma Domenici
Of the Journal
Dear Thelma: Our family of five will be taking a vacation this summer with another family of five. We consider this family to be our close friends. We enjoy spending days or evenings together, but this will be our first extended amount of time together and our first trip ever with another family.
I've heard of people going on trips like this and coming home no longer friends. I would hate for something like that to happen to us. What can we do to avoid it, aside from backing out of the trip?
A: Your keys to a great trip are communication and consideration, both used throughout the planning and taking of your joint vacation.
Before you make the final arrangements for your joint vacation, honestly assess with your husband whether your family and your friends' family will get along for an extended period. Are the children close in age, and do they enjoy similar activities? Are you flexible enough to accommodate another family's likes and dislikes on your vacation? Discuss the issues you believe could arise and how you would handle them.
Next, meet with the couple to openly discuss what each of you expects out of a vacation. Do the adults have similar attitudes and interests when it comes to vacationing — does one family love to ride every coaster at every park within 50 miles, while the other likes most days consumed with playing on the beach?
Discuss the times you get up in the morning and go to bed at night, when you eat and if you schedule naps for the kids into your activities. Find out where each family wants to stay and what they want to do. Do your vacationing styles mesh?
If you do decide to travel together, continue the communication. Plan as much as you can and make your compromises before you leave. While you normally may like to leave room for spontaneity, when trying to plan something with another family it's best to avoid surprises. Talk beforehand about any activities that are “must do's” for your family or any activities that you might plan to skip.
By planning such things beforehand, you can avoid hurt feelings or pressure to do something you don't really want to do while the trip is under way.
You must discuss expenses before the trip. Decide what will be shared or handled individually, and stick to it. If you've decided that everyone will cover their own meals, don't grab the check to treat your fellow travelers. They'll feel confused over your straying off course and will feel the need to reciprocate.
Also, if you are sharing the cost of meals, don't eat or drink extravagantly and then expect to split the bill in half. If you ordered steak and a bottle of wine, don't expect your companion who ordered salad and a glass of water to cover more than his or her share. Although you may rationalize that it all equals out in the end, someone nearly always feels shortchanged.
It's also important to talk to your kids about the behavior you expect from them and what they should expect during the trip. Talk to them about how your families will share time and decision making. Prepare them to participate in the other family's interests and activities. Plan to discipline only your own children's misbehavior during the trip.
Once the vacation begins, be flexible, courteous and keep communicating. If difficulties arise, remember that these are your friends — and strive to treat them with the kindness and respect that made you friends in the first place.
Anywhere with friends, good manners never go out of style.
Have a question about etiquette? You can ask it at askthelma.com. Thelma Domenici is CEO of Thelma Domenici & Associates, offering corporate coaching and contemporary social skills development programs to all ages.
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