Saturday, September 25, 2004

Group Stresses Stronger, Healthier Marriages

By Patrick Dunn
For the Journal
    Many couples would agree that marriage takes teamwork.
    Now a team of another kind is forming with the goal of helping existing marriages thrive, while increasing the probability future ones will succeed.
    This week, pastors from churches across Rio Rancho and the West Side met as the first step in forming a proposed Community Marriage Initiative. It will be a non-legislative policy designed to strengthen marriage, lower divorce, avoid bad marriages before they start and enhance parenting within Rio Rancho.
    Churches could sign on to the policy voluntarily and implement its provision within their own congregations.
    The effort is being spearheaded by Kevin and Kathy Jackson. Kathy is in her second year on the Rio Rancho Board of Education, while Kevin is president of the New Mexico Family Council, a nonprofit organization founded to "strengthen and preserve marriages and families."
    "Kathy and I have a real vested interest in this community," Kevin Jackson said. "I grew up here when there were only 35 houses."
    Churches represented at the recent meeting included Covenant Christian Church, Grace Outreach Center, Destiny Center, Arms of Love Fellowship, plus a representative from the Rio Rancho area Church of Latter-day Saints. Jackson said the initiative is a non-partisan, non-denominational policy.
    "We've talked with many pastors one on one, but this meeting was the first official one to share the vision, put a group together and move forward," he said.
    Once he has gained pastoral support, Kevin Jackson hopes to meet with judges, district attorneys and other local officials.
    "We're bringing pastors and clergy together and linking them with the courts, counselors and judges, to all come together for a common cause," he said. "It develops synergy and hope within the community, which leads to hope within marriages."
    Jackson said one of the initiative's goals is to lower the divorce rate in Rio Rancho by 25 percent within two years. Based on feedback he has received from leaders within the Department of Public Safety and school district, he is optimistic.
    "All of these organizations are impacted," he said. "Just imagine— 25 percent less divorces means 25 percent less children affected, less school and law trouble, less bankruptcies— it just makes sense."
   
Marriage Savers
    The idea behind the Community Marriage Policy came from Marriage Savers, a Maryland-based ministry that has been a catalyst for the formation of similar policies in almost 200 cities across the country, including Farmington and Alamogordo.
    According to the ministry Web site, divorce rates have dropped an average of 14 percent in 114 surveyed cities over a seven-year period. Kansas City, Kan., experienced a 33 percent drop in three years.
    The Jacksons went through Marriage Savers training in 1996 to become a mentor couple at their church while they lived in Maryland. They hosted marriage retreats and counseled couples for years, but only recently felt the desire to launch a marriage initiative in Rio Rancho.
    "We both volunteer in the school system, and you can see when there is trauma in the eyes of some of these kids," Jackson said. "I think our children deserve to have harmony at home and a mom and dad who love them."
    Beyond the emotional tug to begin the initiative, Jackson also sees the measure as a way to counter cultural influences he sees as harmful.
    "Kathy and I have led couples ministries at several churches and worked in the courts as volunteer counselors," he said. "I think in our society, along with the media influence, it is so easy to throw away marriages. But we've seen there are no good divorces."
    Jackson is using the Marriage Savers model as a blueprint, which is what Alamogordo and Farmington used. He also plans on using ministry founder Mike McManus for future training. Jackson plans on adding additional provisions, including abstinence training for children.
    "We want people to understand the value of sexual purity before marriage," he said. "There are behaviors that can lead to cohabitation, early pregnancies and baggage that can cause marriages to fail later on."
   
Moving forward
    Although he has only one meeting under his belt, Jackson is hopeful about the initiative's success and is spurred on by early success in the other New Mexico cities.
    "In Alamogordo, a community marriage pledge was signed by a couple dozen churches and some judges. Farmington had their kickoff in February and they already have around 109 trained mentor couples within churches, helping other couples."
    To get to that point, Jackson has to keep his plan moving forward. Once he has shared the concept with all he hopes to, those that support it will be brought together for orientation and training, headed by McManus. After this, the group would work together to craft a document known as a community marriage policy. He hopes to see this take place within six months.
    "Everyone who signs it will be committed to the mission and goals of the policy," he said.
    Jackson said St. Thomas of Aquinas already has pledged to help fund additional steps in the initiative's creation.
   
Potential provisions
    Provisions that have shown up in similar policies that may land in Rio Rancho's churches include:
   

The abolishment of walk-in weddings.
   

The requirement of a minimum number of counseling sessions before marriage.
   

Utilization of pre-marriage testing.
   

The requirement of a minimum of four to six months of marriage preparation.
   

The development of mentor couples to assist younger couples.
   

The development of counseling referral lists that could be given to churches without mentor couples, courts and other organizations.
   

The offer of post-marital counseling within the first year of marriage.
   
'A tremendous impact'
    If the policy is drafted at a non-legislative level, Jackson said he could look to draft legislation. Otherwise, he will still look to meet with judges, hoping to find support.
    "There may be judges who think this is a great concept, and they can decide to send a couple considering divorce to a church that has mentor couples first," he said. "It's voluntary, but I believe when a community comes together, a pendulum swings and more and more people start looking at what the community can do to help families and marriages."
    Jackson also envisions supporting judges not granting divorces unless a couple attends counseling, watches certain videos or goes through some type of marriage training.
    Before granting a divorce, judges have the discretion of requiring counseling, Jackson said. Judges could offer both secular and faith-based options, he said.
    "Once the ball starts rolling, this will have a tremendous impact on the area," he said. "It will improve the quality of life in the community and save a lot of heartache."
   
   
    For more information on the Rio Rancho Community Marriage Initiative, Call 514-7835, www.marriagesavers.org