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Sunday, November 23, 2008
Hair's to You, Mr. Secretary
By Leslie Linthicum
Journal Staff Writer
I imagine Bill Richardson has been pacing around the Governor's Office for the past two weeks asking everybody he runs into, "Was it the beard?"
Opinion is mixed.
On the up side, a nice beard can smooth over a lot of rough terrain. And if your name's Richardson and you're trying to bolster your Hispanic vitae, it helps conjure up a conquistador, and that's some serious Latino cred.
On the down side, a beard? Seriously? After you've graduated from college? Can't you just set your alarm 10 minutes earlier and shave?
Everything that happened in Chicago and Washington last week makes it look like Richardson's chances of getting the job he's been auditioning for his whole career are as dead as those turkeys in the Sarah Palin video.
It looks like President-elect Barack Obama is going with Hillary Clinton for the prestigious post of secretary of state, if she wants it.
It's a good pick, but a blow to the guy who played footsie with throwing his support to her, then ditched her, then campaigned his tail off for Obama wearing that big, black beard. He promptly shaved it off to look Cabinet-worthy when Obama had a lock on the election. But did he shave too late?
Trying to parse the political implications of facial hair is like trying to untie the Gordian knot. Let's suffice it to say, though, that the last secretary of state to sport a full beard answered to President Coolidge.
It looks as though Richardson, meanwhile, is favored for the totally unsexy secretary of commerce job.
You can understand why he might be a little chafed.
Secretary of state: At the president's elbow. World travel. Magnificent dinners in sumptuous palaces.
Secretary of commerce: Patents. The Census. And don't forget the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (wind advisories!). OK. It does have an $8 billion annual budget.
He would replace Carlos Gutierrez (yes, I had to look that up, too), who, cue portentous music, wears a fetching moustache.
Richardson stopped shaving right after he dropped out of the Democratic presidential primary when it became obvious that he wasn't going to be elected president.
Back then, he said he was OK with the loss and he thought he would grow a beard to decompress.
At the time, that explanation sounded a little too close to "I didn't get elected president, so I'm going to stay in bed and only get up at 3 to watch 'Judge Judy.'"
But it seemed to turn out all right. The beard was neat and trim and said "relaxed" and "up yours" more than it said "dejected" or "loser." But could it be that the beard — the damn beard! — has locked Richardson into the dreaded facial hair slot in the Cabinet? Is it too unkind to mention here that Judas also sported facial hair — or has a cackling Hillary Clinton already made that point?
Not getting the job you've dreamed of can be a crushing blow. We've all been there. The human resources manager calls (in this case, probably President-elect Obama himself) and he tells you what a strong candidate you were for the position and, uh-oh, you know where this is headed.
If you aren't in politics, you go out to the parking lot and sit in your car until you can face going back to the job you so desperately wanted to ditch.
But if you're in politics, appearances are everything. So you hang in there. You stay off CNN, maybe let your advisers throw out off-the-record scents about what other jobs you'd be really good at. Like that awesome post at commerce.
Whether Richardson gets commerce next week or stays put and waits for something else, my advice to him is to calm down and enjoy these moments.
Governor, you're at the top of your game and you've had more second acts than David Hasselhoff. Whatever happens, you're skilled at finding a silver lining with your monogram on it.
Another piece of advice: Keep that razor sharp.
You can reach Leslie at 823-3914 or llinthicum@abqjournal.com. Read all of her columns at www.abqjournal.com/upfront.
