Maybe it’s time to pull out some of my favorite groaners from various sources. Bear with me:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house. After eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking and one said, “We went to a new restaurant last night that was really great. I would recommend it highly.”
“What’s the name of the restaurant?” the other man asked.
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know … .the one that’s red and has thorns.”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s the one.” He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
“I asked the waiter, Is this milk fresh? He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.” (Phyllis Diller)
Students in a nutrition class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was to name seven advantages of mother’s milk. One student could think of only six: 1. It is the perfect formula for infants; 2. It provides immunity against several diseases; 3. It is always the right temperature; 4. It is inexpensive; 5. It bonds the infant and mother; 6. It is always available as needed.
Finally, just before the bell rang, the student wrote in desperation: 7. It comes in two attractive containers that are high enough off the ground so the cat can’t get it. He got an A.
Seen on a sign outside a liquor store: Don’t forget to buy a bottle of wine for Mom on Mother’s Day. Remember … you’re the reason she drinks.
An avocado looks in the mirror and repeats this affirmation to himself: “You’re fat, but you’re good fat.”