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We talk about the words used as weapons and shields in the debate over abortion, which has once again become inflamed and unsettled.

It’s anti-abortion, not pro-life, we say. It’s abortion-rights, not pro-abortion.

It’s abortion later in pregnancy or later abortion, not late-term abortion, because no term is reached.

“I’d like to think we could at least agree on the right words,” Lindsay said. “But that’s also part of the debate.”

With Roe v. Wade once again in peril because of the likely ascendancy of a new Supreme Court justice some believe was chosen in part for her opposition to abortion, the debate is front and center again – and scary.

“If my story can help other women feel they don’t have to be ashamed to tell their story, if society will value women enough to trust them to make decisions about their own bodies, then I will tell it,” she said.

So she does.

It begins full of hope and joy in early 2014 with news that she and her husband were having a baby girl. Their son, then 3, was excited to be a big brother, she said.

But giving birth to him had been complicated by pre-eclampsia, a dangerous condition marked by high blood pressure. So for safety’s sake, her obstetrician ordered weekly ultrasounds.

“I felt lucky to be getting extra care,” she said. “And there were no complications, no concerns this time.”

But a day after Mother’s Day, an ultrasound detected significant abnormalities, multiple heart defects that rendered the baby “incompatible with life.”

“I will never forget those words,” she said. “I remember falling apart, falling on the floor, screaming.”

Items of a baby who was wanted include a onesie with the words Little Sister, a baby scrapbook and the urn that carries the fetal ashes. For two years, it was hard to even look at them, but now mom Lindsay shares her story of loss to dispel falsities of later in pregnancy abortion, especially those forced by medical complications. (COURTESY OF LINDSAY)

She was 25 weeks along. Already, she had the baby’s room painted two shades of teal as part of a surfer girl theme. A dresser was filled with onesies and booties. Baby shower gifts were stacked in the room.

After learning the devastating news, she shut the door to that room and shut down herself.

Those, she said, were the worst moments of her ordeal.

“It made me feel I had failed as a mother to protect my child, and there was nothing I could do to save her,” she said. “I was faced with having to give birth to death.”

Her doctors told her of the outcome – the fetus would struggle then die a gruesome death, likely within minutes of birth, if not sooner. So she and her husband made the wrenching decision to let the child they already loved go with dignity, peacefully, to live in the stars and in their hearts if not upon this earth.

But at 25 weeks, Lindsay was already past the point her state allowed abortions to be performed. She was referred to Southwestern Women’s Options in Albuquerque, one of the few clinics in the country that still performs abortions later in pregnancy.

Imagine, she said, flying nearly 2,000 miles numb and visibly pregnant with part of yourself literally dying inside. Imagine having no words to say when strangers pat your belly and ask when you are due. Imagine the cost of that travel, the time away from the safety net of home.

“It’s cruel, this restriction to access for a medical procedure I needed,” she said. “I was lucky because I had the financial means and a supportive family. Many women don’t.”

After the procedure, she and her husband held the daughter that was not meant to be. They had a photograph made of her tiny, wrinkly fingers, ink prints of her hands and feet stamped in a baby book. A small silver urn with the image of a teddy bear carried the cremains home.

It took two years for her to open the door to that surfer girl bedroom, but she did when she and her husband opened their hearts to their adopted baby girl.

They named her after the doctor who performed the abortion who had treated them not like careless monsters but like the grieving parents forced to make a decision they never imagined they would need to – but that while the law still stands they could.

“The opposing side looks at abortion strictly as taking a life, but it saved my life and my daughter a life of pain,” she said. “It gave me a chance to be the mother I wanted to be.”

If society cannot agree on the words to speak about abortion, she knows that many will never agree with her decision and her belief that all women deserve safe, legal, accessible, stigma-free abortion if they so choose. She is terrified that their right to choose is in jeopardy now, and she knows that those who oppose abortion do not know the myriad stories like hers behind those choices.

So she tells her story, finding the words she needs, and she hopes other women will find theirs, too.

UpFront is a front-page news and opinion column. Reach Joline at 730-2793, jkrueger@abqjournal.com, Facebook or @jolinegkg on Twitter.