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What the chief should have said

The most despicable journalistic crime is the blatant lie. This is followed by clever lies, such as lies of omission.

In a recent interrogation of Albuquerque Police Department Chief Gorden Eden, the media exposed their malicious stupidity.

Referring to the gun that was supposedly found next to the body of the young female suspect, Mary Hawkes, the representative of the attacking press, disguised as impartial seekers of the plain truth for the public, asked the following question about the suspect’s gun:

“Was the gun loaded?”


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How I dream of the chief having answered in the following manner:

“Thank you for that insightful question. I call it insightful because, had the gun not been loaded, your question suggests that the police officer would have had less or no cause to shoot the suspect pointing the gun at him.

“Your question also suggests that, in our future training, we will instruct officers facing a suspect pointing a gun at them to ask the suspect whether that gun is loaded or not. Should the considerate and highly civilised suspect answer that the gun really is loaded, then the officer can proceed with the shooting, and be assured that the press won’t accuse and convict him of savage use of unreasonable force.

“If, on the other hand the suspect’s gun is loaded, it is more than likely that the suspect will not engage in civil discourse and, instead, simply shoot the press-pleasing officer. You can then make a short comment in your paper that, after all, it is the officer’s job to take a bullet.

“While we are on the subject of loaded or unloaded guns, your journalistic weapon, Mr. Reporter, is conspicuously loaded with bullets of anti-police malice and you are more trigger-happy than you accuse the police of being.

“We concede that there is a problem with shootings and we take notice of your obvious anti-police approach cheaply disguised as virtuous, truly objective, unprejudiced journalism.

“The next time you point your journalistic gun at us, we will not, repeat not, ask you whether it is loaded or not. Furthermore, we conclude that it is better for us to be behind you rather than in front of you.

“Your shooting gallery is closed for the day. Thank you.”

Exit the chief.