Stops and Starts: Ways to Keep Your Relationship Moving, from John Thurman

Feel the Love, Part Four | Go to the beginning of the series

Ask the Experts marriage therapist blogger John Thurman

Wow! I love February. It’s my birth month, and a huge month for romance, love and hope.

I’d like to wrap up this month’s installment of “Feel the Love” by giving you a couple of ideas on how to keep the relationship moving forward. Relationships are not self-regulating! They are delicate creations that require adjustments, attention and regular maintenance.

Here are some stops and starts for men and women.

Guys, let’s stop: Stereotyping women, assuming we know what they think, feeling threatened by feminism, ignoring our feelings, acting either like macho men or desiring to touch a game control more than our women…

And start: Being real, getting in touch, reviving gallantry, giving of our selves, having more skin on skin contact, listening more and making our relationship a top priority.

Gals, let’s stop: Male-bashing, assuming that all men are romantic knuckle-draggers, feeling superior in your relationship skills (which, more often than not are superior), putting down the struggling men’s movement, being a victim or martyr…

And start: Giving him the benefit of the doubt, appreciating his quirks, putting yourself in his shoes and sending him flowers.

To build relationships that last, we are the ones who need to change. If you are in a relationship that is lacking, look at what you can do to make it better.

March is National Nutrition Month so I will be doing a four-part series “Four Things You Can do to Nourish Your Relationship.”

Have a wonderful week,


Ask the Expert a question

Ask the Experts panelist John Thurman is a licensed marriage and family therapist with Christian Therapy Services in Albuquerque. Find him at

To ask John a question, type your question in the comments field below. Or email your question to or

About John Thurman

John is seasoned, licensed counselor with more than 35 years of experience helping individuals, couples and families “Get a Grip on Life” by using a practical, forward-looking style that blends the principles of positive psychology with a down-to-earth, common sense approach. John and his wife have been on their own relationship adventure for the past 40 years.

“While we have no control over the past we do have control over our future” is his motto.

Disclaimer: Articles posted by John Thurman are not intended to in any way be a substitute for professional help.

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