On-the-job angst: Is everyone overly sensitive these days?

Dear J.T. & Dale: Is it just me, or has everyone become overly sensitive at work? I feel like people are defensive about everything. I no longer feel comfortable speaking at work for fear of backlash. What gives? — Thomas

J.T.: A lot of people are dealing with post-traumatic stress from the pandemic, and it’s manifested in their mental and physical states. We’re seeing not only an increase in people with physical ailments but in mental stress as well. This causes a lot of people to be more sensitive in the workplace. The best thing you can do right now is to try to be understanding and hope that these people are working toward feeling better. All I can say is that you’re lucky that you are not feeling the stress like others, and if you can show some patience and understanding it will go a long way in building relationships with your teammates.

DALE: Citing PTSD from the pandemic is a hopeful diagnosis of what ails our culture for it suggests that we might heal. I hope that’s true. But, what I see — and it started long before COVID-19 — is the spiraling decline in civility, especially in political discourse. We’re left with a fragmentation of the zeitgeist, one that doesn’t drive society toward compromise but toward hostility. Losing your temper in a debate used to be considered a collapse of your argument; rather, you won with wit and charm and having facts accepted by both sides. The witty and wise Ambrose Bierce wrote, “Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you ever regret.” Not now. Intemperate speech is a prerequisite for being noticed. Then, once you have these abusive attacks, the logical response is the mental equivalent of air raid sirens.

J.T.: So, getting back to the question ...

DALE: Indeed. We used to have The Grandma Test: Don’t say anything at work you wouldn’t say in front of your grandmother. Not good enough now, not with the mouths on some of these grannies. So, here’s an option: What if you worked at becoming the person on the team who best understands everyone else? What do they want in life? Who do they look up to? How can you help them accomplish their goals? Be that person. Be the one they make fun of for always thinking the best of the others.

Best of career resourcesJ.T.: We like to pass along suggestions for career resources, usually a book or website, but this time, we got an uplifting message from Wallie Jones, a man who has devoted a lot of his time to working with young people. Here’s what Wallie told us:

I have used some of your stuff in teaching people how to stand out in an interview. I have used one of your questions that has been instrumental in getting jobs: Ask the interviewer, “What does excellence look like in this job?” This question implies, “I am going to be excellent, but you have to define excellent.” This is like asking a teacher, “What questions will be on the test?” The second suggestion is to look the interviewer in the eye and say, “I want you to know that I know the difference between eight o’clock and five after eight.” This, too, has been a powerful statement.

DALE: Love it. And when I told Wallie how much I appreciated his insights, he added a leadership story for us to pass along: “I have a high-level coach friend who called me and said he had an assistant he needed to let go as he was lazy, not invested, and a poor recruiter. The problem was that the assistant had been a star at that school and was a fan favorite. I told the coach the kindest way is one I learned from my dad, who hired and fired people for several companies. He’d say, “Coach, your skills don’t fit our need right now.” My friend said, “That is totally true and honest, and I feel good about telling him that.” And we feel good about passing it along. Thanks, Wallie.

Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a career coach and the founder of the leading career site www.workitdaily.com. Dale Dauten’s latest book is “Experiments Never Fail: A Guide for the Bored, Unappreciated and Underpaid.” Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 628 Virginia Dr., Orlando, FL 32803.