'Grief into a gift': Man runs across country to 48 state capitols in memory of his daughter

Grief is often described as an overwhelming, consuming sorrow that grips the heart, especially during the quiet hours of the night.

For Stacy and Joshua Nehring, however, grief became a powerful force that led them on a year-long, cross-country adventure visiting every state capitol in honor of their late daughter — a journey that’s making its way to the New Mexico State Capitol in Santa Fe.

The South Dakota family lost its oldest daughter, Lilli, in a fatal car crash in 2017. Heartbroken and confused, they struggled to find hope and peace living in a world without Lilli, who died at 13.

Joshua turned to running, feeling it was the only way to channel his pain and understand his inner turmoil.

“Running had become pretty therapeutic for me, and being able to put my mind and my heart in a healthy place, and I found I could couple that with a little active service in remembering other people,” Joshua Nehring said.

Joshua Nehring decided he would run every day in memory of someone who had died, and the concept turned into SRVIVRS, a nonprofit dedicated to the idea of serving others as a form of self-healing.

“We’re trying to help people find that same gift, transforming grief into a gift,” he said.

The Nehring family wanted to go further following the creation of the nonprofit and developed the Black Pearl Project, a journey across America to encourage others to heal from grief through movement and service.

“We live and work and love as a family, and we got our whole family on board,” he said. “We sold our house, we left my practice, we left everything to make this happen as a family. It’s a big sacrifice, but that’s what service is; you sacrifice little bits of your time in service of others, and it transforms your grief into something beautiful.”

Together, the family — Joshua and Stacy Nehring, Stacy’s parents, one crew member who works with Joshua and their five children ranging in age from 5 to 18 years old — hopped into a 38-foot RV and hit the road.

Joshua left behind his practice in Rapid City, South Dakota, where he was a full-time periodontist, trading his dental tools for a pair of running shoes. Members of the family aren’t sure if they will return to life the way it was before. For now, they’re focused on experiencing the journey together.

Though Stacy said the children were a little hesitant about the drastic change in their lifestyle, the family describes it as the opportunity of a lifetime.

Joshua begins his day with a 40- to 60-mile run. He will run three to seven miles before meeting his crew member for water and rest, repeating the cycle until Joshua meets the family where the RV is stationed.

“The footprints that I stop in today will be the footprints that I started in tomorrow morning,” he said, “and I think that’s powerful for this journey because grief is truly a step-by-step process.”

The Nehring family arrived in Albuquerque on Tuesday, and Joshua is preparing for his roughly 63-mile run to Santa Fe, where he plans to arrive at the capitol Friday morning, marking the 19th of 48 states. The family does not have plans to visit Hawaii or Alaska’s state capitol yet.

But the journey isn’t just about running. For the Nehrings, getting to meet people and share their stories with each other has opened their eyes and hearts to the world in unimaginable ways.

“We call them ‘Pearls from the Pavement,’ just people that we meet that keep us going,” Stacy said. “It’s our fuel that we are making a difference, and we are touching people’s lives.”

Through its journey, the Nehring family hopes to bring chapters of SRVIVRS across the country.

The family is inviting the public to join Joshua on the final stretch of his run to the New Mexico State Capitol, where Joshua will do a one-mile walk with the public to the steps of the building. Each participant will receive a bib where they can write the name of a loved one they are honoring.

“You can’t skip steps. You can’t somehow get to some point without taking steps. You can’t just sit with grief and do nothing,” Joshua advises those struggling with grief. “It starts with a hug and letting people know they aren’t alone.”