OPINION: Christmas magic isn't found in a red velvet suit

Let me be clear from the start: I love Christmas. The lights, the music, the food, and yes, even the idea of Santa Claus.

But, as with all things in life, sometimes we must face hard truths. And to the little ones reading this — maybe skip ahead and go play with your toys, because what I’m about to say isn’t for you.

Gone?

Good. Here it is: Santa Claus — jolly old St. Nick, the gift-giving, sleigh-flying, reindeer-riding leg-end — simply does not exist.

Now, before you accuse me of being a Christmas Grinch, hear me out. The concept of Santa Claus is charming, no doubt. But when you start breaking it down, the whole thing falls apart faster than a gingerbread house after a sugar binge.

According to tradition, Santa visits every home in the world in a single night, delivering presents to billions of children. Now, I’m no physicist, but I’m pretty sure that’s not even remotely possible.

Santa would need to travel faster than the speed of light to make it work, and even if he somehow achieved that, there’s the small issue of physics: How does a sleigh pulled by reindeer manage to travel at that speed without causing catastrophic amounts of friction and damage? The logistics just don’t add up.

Then there’s the whole “coming down the chimney” thing. Many of us were told as kids that Santa somehow squeezed through narrow chimneys, even though most chimneys are barely wide enough for a small child, let alone a grown man with a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly.

Even with a bit of Christmas magic sprinkled in, there’s no rational explanation for how Santa fits through these chimneys — especially when you factor in the soot stains he’d inevitably leave behind.

And now, let’s talk presents. Santa is said to deliver billions of presents — each one individually wrapped — in one night. But where does he store all these gifts?

Santa’s workshop is supposed to be at the North Pole, but no one ever explains how he makes, wraps, and delivers gifts for every child on Earth in just a few hours, much less how he’s funding the operation.

Does Santa run a multi-billion-dollar enterprise with a global distribution network? The economics simply don’t add up.

So, is there any magic in Santa Claus? Of course. But that magic doesn’t come from a man in a red suit — it comes from the spirit of the season: the joy of giving, the wonder of childhood, and the love and togetherness we share with family and friends. Santa may not be real, but Christmas is still filled with magic.

I’ll still happily leave out the milk and cookies, for tradition’s sake. But the real magic of Christmas isn’t in the imaginary man in the red suit; it’s in the hearts of those we love and the memories we create together.

And on that note, the Tooth Fairy? Well, now she might just be a real fae out there, collecting teeth. So keep that tooth under your pillow — don’t want her sneaking any extra ones while you’re asleep.

Merry Christmas, everyone—myths and all.

Rymer Hewitt is an Opinion intern at the Albuquerque Journal. He may be reached at rhewitt@abqjournal.com and at (505) 823-3851.