OPINION: Gravy, the unsung hero of holiday dinners

On the heels of another contentious presidential election, some people are understandably concerned about the conversation turning political at holiday gatherings.

No one wants it, but it seems to happen at my family’s home after every presidential election. Someone brings up Donald Trump, and suddenly family members who truly do love one another, and some of whom haven’t seen each other in a calendar year, are at each other’s throats at the dinner table.

But after some considerable thought, I think I’ve found four disarming words to turn the topic from contentious disagreements to “Mmm, that’s good.” And they’re four easy words everyone can remember: “Please pass the gravy.”

White gravy, brown gravy, blended gravy, egg gravy, giblet gravy, mushroom gravy, vegetarian gravy — it’s all good.

My mom made it look so easy — a little flour, some milk, some butter, some other stuff, and voila: gravy. There was nothing like my mom’s homemade biscuits and gravy. She always knew that was my first food choice when I came home — breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Eating biscuits or mashed potatoes without gravy is like taking an Anacin aspirin without water. Eating turkey without gravy is like eating popcorn without butter.

Gravy is the glue that literally holds holiday meals together.

Now, some critics say gravy is messier than green or red chile. To that I say, “eat over your plate” or wear a bib and sit in the high chair. Gravy is for those who want to eat a hearty holiday meal, not look good in selfies afterwards. I want to enjoy my holiday meal, not suffer mouth burns, watery eyes and a runny nose from it while people laugh at me and give me the business.

Some may prefer red or green chile on their turkey and ham. To that I say, “That’s your business. Please pass me the gravy.” As a commentary writer, I don’t waste my space arguing the other side’s points. I’m pro-gravy and I’m sticking to it.

And so are many others.

Listen closely this year at the holiday dinner table to how many times someone says, “Please pass the turkey,” “Please pass the cranberry sauce,” “Please pass the rolls,” “Please pass the butter.” All of those requests will likely be out-numbered by those saying those four magical disarming words: “Please pass the gravy.”

That’s because gravy is the people’s choice of plate-passers.

What makes gravy so popular?

According to Wikipedia, “Gravy is a sauce made from the juices of meats and vegetables that run naturally during cooking and often thickened with thickeners for added texture.”

Is your mouth watering yet?

“The gravy may be further coloured and flavoured with gravy salt or gravy browning or bouillon cubes,” Wikipedia continues. “Powders can be used as a substitute for natural meat or vegetable extracts. Canned and instant gravies are also available.”

Thinking of loosening your belt yet in anticipation?

The website says gravy is commonly served with roasts, meatloaf, rice, noodles, fries, mashed potatoes, or biscuits. Can someone please update Wikipedia to include the obvious omissions of turkey and ham?

The way they spell “coloured and flavoured” makes me think the writers don’t understand or appreciate the value of gravy on American holiday plates. To paraphrase one of our Founding Fathers, give me gravy or give me death.

Holiday dinners without gravy are like Christmas without Santa Claus. They cannot be decoupled.

So please, this holiday season, pass me the gravy and hold the political commentary. The gravy will stick to my ribs. The commentary will stick in my mind, it’s bad for my digestion, and can spoil the whole gathering.

And if someone is wearing a MAGA hat, just pretend it stands for Make America Gravy Again.