OPINION: Science cuts: The five stages of grief

The five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — rarely happen in any specific order.

At first, when Trump began issuing the flurry of executive orders (EOs) targeting National Institutes of Health and diversity, equity and inclusion programs I was in denial. I am a PhD-trained neuroscientist doing work exploring the impact of alcohol use on the brain changes that happen during Alzheimer’s disease using preclinical rodent models — yes, transgenic mice — there is no way these the EOs could impact my work, right?

I have been on a career trajectory to become a faculty member, establish my own lab and begin to mentor the next generation of scientists since I began my postdoc nearly four years ago. A postdoc is a period of training someone with a doctorate degree undergoes to learn additional skills, cultivate a growing network of peers and develop the professional skills necessary to become the head of their own research program.

To get closer to my goal, I crafted a very comprehensive training plan with unique goals, a training team and an entire research strategy designed to establish the future Maphis Laboratory. I applied to the MOSAIC (Maximizing Opportunities for Scientific and Academic Independent Careers) program through the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) — one of the institutes at the NIH — which provides opportunities for individuals, like me, in the hopes of diversifying the face of faculty. Depression hit me like a wave in mid-February when the NIH website for MOSAIC had been deleted and the program announcement I had applied to last year archived (originally scheduled to end in July 2027). I was glued to my computer, anxiously awaiting the outcome of the grant review meeting.

Then, on March 4, a group of top scientists would spend their entire day engrossed in peer review. A process by which they would critique, discuss and review all grants being submitted to identify the best proposals. Last year, they did not select my grant to receive funding, but based on the comments of these scientists, I revised and resubmitted my proposal in November. However, that morning, my MOSAIC grant along with other grants were pulled from the discussion list in the morning before the grant review panel met.

My depression quickly turned to anger. There were no reasons given/nor no explanations provided to me. Why am I not being given comments? How will I make this proposal better?

Should I try again? Am I being penalized because I used a diversity mechanism? One thing that is clear is this administration does not believe in amplifying different voices.

Maybe I can bargain my way into a different career? I am not sure I will ever accept that I will never get the chance to pursue my dream career. Now, I grieve for the scientists in training, that won’t get to pursue their dreams to change the face, voice, or perspective of faculty members everywhere, as programs are being cut, ended and disallowed.

Since this devastating blow, I have channeled my anger constructively by focusing on community outreach and engaging with the public about neuroscience: We hosted our 10th annual brain bee (high school outreach/competition) and GoGirl! (a middle school girl empowerment seminar). I have also marched with fellow scientists during the “Stand Up for Science” protests and joined other researchers, public health and research organizations, and a worker’s union in a lawsuit against the NIH. Science is for everyone.