OPINION: The importance of co-parenting during back-to-school season

The start of a new school year can be both exciting and stressful for any family, but when parents are separated or divorced, the transition can come with added challenges. Suddenly there is homework, transportation needs and school supplies that need to be purchased. That’s why a strong co-parenting relationship is vital to making the beginning of the school year, and the rest of the year, a good one for both children and their parents.

As a family court judge, I have found that some divorced or separated families successfully navigate the school year and some do not. The families who are able to negotiate all the normal stressors that comes with a new school year have certain skills in common.

Successful co-parents focus on reducing any stress their children are feeling by communicating about the school year well before it begins. It is understood which parent will purchase the school supplies and how the repayment will happen. The parents have a clear understanding about who will be providing transportation on what days and the children’s timesharing schedule is understood by everyone in the family. When children see their parents have the details under control and are communicating, their stress reduces and they can concentrate on just being a kid.

Back-to-school season comes with homework schedules, bedtime adjustments and after-school activities. Consistency between households is beneficial to kids. Agreeing on similar homework times, screen-time limits and bedtimes helps children transition smoothly between homes without feeling unsettled. This stability boosts their ability to concentrate at school and maintain healthy sleep patterns.

When parents are separated, teachers sometimes struggle with knowing who to contact or how to share updates. Good co-parenting means making sure both parents are informed about school events, report cards and any concerns — without relying on the child as the messenger. Some families create a shared email thread, calendar or use school apps to keep everyone in the loop. Many schools have applications like ParentVue that both parents can use to keep up with homework and other activities.

It can also be hard to be a child who has to take everything back and forth to school from two different houses. Make sure you have school items at both homes like spare lunch boxes, uniforms, calculators, etc., so your child does not feel like they are at all disadvantaged by having to keep track of items between both homes.

Most importantly, treat your co-parent with respect. Children are really good at picking up on their parents’ feelings. If they see you are stressed and frustrated, they will start to feel that too. Conversely, if they see cooperation and problem-solving from both parents, they’re more likely to feel like they don’t need to worry about anything other than what is going on that day at school. And that is what they should be thinking about.